sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
