just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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