you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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