My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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