On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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