Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize