I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
