Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
