Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
