Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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