I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
