The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
