He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
