You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
