i would one night stand the shit outta him
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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