she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
