i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
