Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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