WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
