first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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