she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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