If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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