You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
