you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I stole a fireplace last night.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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