Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
