Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
