Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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