Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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