The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
