Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
