I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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