I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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