just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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