we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
