Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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