dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
