The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
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basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
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I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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