Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
