That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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