When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
