The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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