no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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