i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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