I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
