just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
