Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My life is pants optional.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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