Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
