Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
