she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
