just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
