operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
