Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
