and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My bed smells like the plague
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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