just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
