How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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