Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
