you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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