I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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