I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
