i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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