My sheets look like a crime scene.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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