If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
