would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
