i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
