Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize
