Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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