I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
