you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
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