Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Where is the hickey?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
did i walk over a car last night?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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