went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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