So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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