what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
