If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
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There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
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whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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