Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
