but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
