overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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