I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
