Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize