the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
