My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
