my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
