oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
